That Gross Feeling in the Pit of Your Stomach

Does anyone else get that gross feeling in the pit of your stomach when getting feedback? I do and it’s terrible. It makes me want to binge eat a bag of chocolate (check) and wash it down with too much wine (check check!).

Feedback is SO HARD because so much of what we’re really looking for when we ask someone to read our stuff is just a feeling of not being alone, that I’m-in-this-car-with-you-no-matter-where-you-want-to-go feeling. And getting feedback can sometimes feel like your passenger is all like, “Stop! Don’t go there! Don’t take those turns that way! What are you doing? Can you even drive this thing?”

Hence the gross stomach thing.

But there is a difference between the kind of feedback we like to get (Don’t change a thing!) and the kind we need (WerkWerkWerkWerkWerk). And while it’s nice to have someone read and make us feel special, what we need is someone to read our work and make us be better.

So as someone who gives a lot of feedback (and gets a fair amount!), here are my top three strategies for getting feedback:

(1) HONE IN ON THE POSITIVE THINGS FIRST. Ask your CP or Betas which parts they liked and get them to expand on why they liked those aspects. Oftentimes as CPs, we are so interested in helping to improve the work, we forget to say why the piece is worth improving.

(2) LISTEN FOR THE SPIRIT BEHIND THEIR CRITIQUES. So many times, I get feedback like, “You should change that girl’s clothing.” And if I took the feedback at face value, I would interpret that as: MY CP doesn’t like my character’s dress. Well screw her, I like pink! But the more important question to ask is, What is behind that comment? Why doesn’t my CP like that dress? What, for example, is discordant about it and the character? By pushing your CPs and your Betas to get at the spirit behind their comments rather than the comments themselves, you can get the most out of your feedback.

(3) REMEMBER THAT THIS IS WHY YOU WRITE. Your book is not a diary. It is not sealed with a dime-store lock, meant for your eyes only. It is a thing that exists to be read and to be reacted to and to be engaged with. So take a second to remind yourself, that that is exactly what is happening. You are an author of your WIP and these are your first readers. You are writing for them just as much as you are writing for the nameless, faceless human beings who will pick your book up at a B&N someday. So enjoy it. As much as possible.

One thought on “That Gross Feeling in the Pit of Your Stomach

  1. First of all, am I Thelma or Louise? Secondly, this is SO TRUE IT HURTS! I especially like the point about understanding what the *spirit* of the comment is. Sometimes, when I crit, I hone in on something that is bothering me (maybe something someone wears) and I call that out – but what I’m really saying is that there’s something incongruous about the character’s actions. It’s so important, especially w/ CPs who aren’t reading the whole thing, just along for the ride while you’re drafting, to discuss what comments mean. Sometimes (a lot of times!) I don’t even know what I’m driving at! When I get feedback I hate it a lot at first. I just let myself hate it. I let myself have those ” they don’t understand my genius!” moments. Then, when I’ve had a little cooling off time, I exam the feedback and see if it ‘rings’ I’m pretty good with bull shit, even my own. If something rings true, It’s because I knew it was a problem all along. I tried to get away with it and my CPs called BS. Thank god for them!

    Like

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